Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Hating Macau - Less

I had to go to Macau last year to activate my visa and, as some of you may remember, it left me thoroughly unimpressed. A year ago, Macau smelled like shit.  It wreaked of addiction and people wasting precious time and money inside casinos on: gambling, selfies, taking pictures they'll never look at again, and just being in the way and underfoot in general. 

Recently, I had to make the same trip for the same reason.  I must be softening in my old age, like a good Camembert, because this time round, I didn't hate Macau.  It was actually fairly enjoyable.  I've come up with a few potential explanatory factors that might have led to this change of heart:

1)A year a half in Hong Kong = a slow and painful degradation of heath standards and an eventual succumbing to numbness/acceptance in the following areas:
                      -Pollution
                      -Overcrowding
                      -Ridiculous things people do with their cell phones
                      -Ridiculous things people do with their money

Unfortunately, no amount of time in Hong Kong will ever ebb my hate/disgust for hawking. 

2)After going from 60 hrs/6day work weeks to going flat bloke and (happily) unemployed...quite frankly my traveling standards have been lowered.  Therefore, I am much more easily entertained. Five star restaurant? How about a pork floss bun. Throw in a hot milk tea we'll call it a day. 

3)Baby it's cold outside and it's the most wonderful time of the year.  Mama's full of all sorts of holiday cheer and Macau is fittingly ostentatiously decked. (Quite thankful for the alleviation of the suffocation of summer)

4) I was smart this time and plopped myself down on a temperature controlled vehicle in the form of public transport instead of trying to be little miss independent and walking everywhere.  Never again.

This last point made a pretty big difference.  It also allowed me the opportunity to take the wrong bus and cross the bridge from Macau into the little city of Taipa.  Taipa had the perfect mix of old world Portuguese Villa Antigua with winding tiled streets lined with century old trees, set amidst the gaudy backdrop of towering apartment buildings and gold plated hundred story casinos.  It was the epitome of the paradox that is Macau.
Inner Taipa with casino looming in the back

Inner Taipa

Outer Taipa

Outer Taipa
I stopped off on a crowded street offering up pork chop sandwiches, "Portuguese style" egg tarts, milk teas and various dried beef products.  Of being a self respecting lady in hung overness, I sampled all of the above (didn't actually buy any beef products)

 

After meandering around Taipa and taking sneeky pictures of life that went on there, I found a correct bus that took me back to Macau.

City scape of Macau out the bus window
Once in Macau, I did what, it seems, I do best.  Found a busy street, ate some food on it, then walked around and took pictures of it.  Pretty riveting. 
This was the best thing I ate all day.  It was like a hot pocket, but with things made from real food.
Everyone huddled around some found dim sum
Purty
And there you have it.  Macau has officially redeemed itself in my eyes.  Till next year, where if history repeats itself by Macau progressively getting better, I should be near elation upon my return to Hong Kong.

Monday, October 6, 2014

The Best New Thing in the World Today - Ari

Technically the best new thing in the world today is not a thing, as much as he is a human, and he's also been around for seven months.

STILL, he's totally new to me and is the best new thing in the world today.  I just met him, briefly, on one of my various legs of my United States trip. His name is Ari and he still has that new baby smell.  Why is it that when you hold a baby the first thing you do is smell their head?  It's intoxicating that's why. Someone needs to bottle that smell.

A few things about the best new thing in the world today:

 First: he wakes up laughing.  I've never woken up laughing. I don't even smile until my third cup of coffee. He's already a better person than I am.



Second: he smiles, like, all day (except when he's crying).






Third: If you set him in front of a piano, he holds himself up and bangs on it.  Not in the way that a silly toddler does, but the way that a future musical genius does.




Fourth: He's so photogenic.  You could argue that he is a baby, therefore, cute and photogenic by default, in which I would argue that you're wrong.  Sometimes babies just are neither.  Sorry I'm not sorry for saying it.







There you have it.

The best new thing in the world today is my nephew Ari.  Did he have that effect on my ovaries that everyone keeps asking about? Sure.  If I had an Ari I wouldn't be mad about it.  BUT I'm not desperate to get there yet.

So fellas, keep coming with your "future baby daddy applications".  The position has yet to be filled by a worthy candidate. 

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

How to Give the Illusion You Rock at Life

Lately my apartment has been feeling less like a home, and a bit more like a hostel.  The past three weeks and in the coming week, my roommate and I have taken turns playing host and being a tour guide to the many visitors who find themselves on our couch. All while simultaneously holding down 9-?'s and still managing to wear clean clothes and smell/look decent.  Some people might find this juggling act overwhelming and, admittedly, it took me a few trial runs in Paris to get the equation of handling it all just right.  BUT now that I have, I not only embrace the tourist invasion, but look forward to and encourage them. Here are a few tricks to hold on to for when you have guests in town:

#1 Sleep whenever, wherever.  Seriously.

You will be going hard at work, and then coming home and going hard with guests.  If you don't do either, you'll suck at work, and you'll make someone's very expensive trip not as awesome as it could be.  That means whenever and wherever you can - sleep.  I like to sleep on buses to and from work, lunch is pretty hard to snag a few zzz's but sometimes doable, and usually will snag a quick sleep right after getting home and before going out.    

#2 Pretend Drink any chance you get, avoid shots at all costs.

Guests love to party.  And parties more often than not involve copious amounts of booze. Here's how to avoid over doing it:

Keep in mind: as your guests are slinging back shots and throwing their arms around you and telling you how much they love you - they get to sleep in in the morning.  You, have to face the challenge of spurting out an intelligent stream of consciousness to bosses and clients alike in the morning.  My clients are small, loud, relentless and unforgiving.   They show no mercy and attack ruthlessly when they spot weakness.  Even something so small as a moment too long of silence as you are gathering your hungover/maybe still drunk thoughts, can send a room into a frenzy of Frozen scene re-enactments and general tomfoolery.   

Going to work incredibly tired from the lack of sleep of partying is much easier to navigate mentally, unless, it's clouded with the after effects of alcohol.  That's why I use the "pretend to drink" method.  With drinks it's pretty easy to just ask the bartender for a water in a short glass with lemon.  It still looks enough like a drink to fool others who have already been drinking, but instead of feeling like death in the morning, you'll be super hydrated.  High five!

If the scene takes the inevitable turn for the shot bar, you've got options.  My favorite way for avoiding a shot is to accept the shot, then pour it in some unsuspecting victim's cocktail as everyone else is throwing theirs back (it's also just kind of funny when you get caught).  Of course, the "I dominated that shot" cheer afterwards is obligatory, but you can just cheer to your domination of sneakiness.  Another option is to take the shot, keep it in your mouth, then spit it back into your chaser.  Kinda gross, but works like a charm.

Or, you can take the shot, which will snowball into five more shots, which will snowball into doing the robot on a bar, which will snowball into a 5AM night, which will render you useless/exhausted/depleted for the next two days and eventually result in some sort of illness in about two weeks time. 

Fail.  

#3 Try to have access to a sauna

Some people will read that statement and be all "gurl I'm not that Boujey".  Here's the deal though: the heat from the sauna opens your blood vessels and circulates the blood throughout your body, purging the toxins from stress/life  through your sweat.  Any tenseness you feel before hopping into a sauna is melted off with the heat.  The wet saunas are also great for re-hydrating your skin and resetting your soul.  Besides, who doesn't like to sweat without having to work for it?

If you don't have access to a sauna, simply move to Hong Kong and sit outside from the months of May through September.  Pretty much the same thing.

#4 Talk at least an octave higher.  

You're probably scratching your head at this one, but just trust me. The exhaustion will eventually set in and you're mood might not be grumpy, but you're face will smile less and the brightness in your eyes will dull slightly.  Some of you, such as myself, might also suffer from the debilitating disease called "resting bitch face" and find it harder than normal to fake a smile. That's why you have to get people to think you are still a decent person - by raising your voice.  Yep.  A high voice is always received as more positive, soothing and non threatening than a low, groggy, grumpy, bitchy one.  

#5 When you are guest free -  live a normal, healthy, well balanced life.

The only thing that actually helps me the most with being able to play hard and work hard, is living meekly when not in the spotlight.  That means on a daily basis: lots of water, not much booze, lots of green tea, some exercise, adequate sleep/relaxation and plenty of fruits and veggies.  

Et voila, now you have the secret Suz plan for coping with a normal life while being a host and a tour guide all in one.  I just had my brother and his girlfriend in town, which had it's hairy moments, but overall we all came out better than we went in.

Check out the "Week of Jartannah" post below to see all the shenanigans we got into!



Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The week of Jartannah

Welcome to what might be the longest post I will ever make on this site.  To keep things moving smoothly, I'm going to be less wordy, more picturey.  

My brother, Arthur, and his girlfriend, Jill, recently came in to town and we spent a week in a whirl wind of activity.  I'm going to give you a general breakdown of the week's activities.  Ready? Ready.

Tuesday, August 26...

...was fairly uneventful.  The couple arrived bearing gifts  from Thailand and Willis (Texas forever 6).  Take a guess which one was which.



Oh yeah, everyone got one. And we took a proper photo shoot.




Wednesday August 27th...

...after getting off at 7 from work I barely had enough time to eat anything before taking a few swigs of Jameson as an apero (house guest gift from Art) and heading downtown to Wan chai to catch a cocktail at Wooloomooloo and then off to ladies night for free fun/drank.  The night ended with an outrageous claim on my part of being queen of 7/11 sandwiches after stuffing one down the hatch.  Class.

on second thought, maybe I won't wear heels

Wooloomooloo rooftop




Thursday August 28th...

...Thursday I was able to take off work at 5 so it was off to stroll along star avenue then to Castro's in TST for an apero and then to the Chung King mansions for a legit Indian dinner to die for.  We stuffed ourselves silly for about 12$ USD and then high tailed it out.  (The mansions can be SUPER creepy)

sisbrah photo shoot

Isn't she purty
Friends 

Entering the Chungy

VIP y'all

Khyber pass.  Best food ever.

EVER
Friday August 29th...

...I somehow finagled my way out of work on Friday and we went on a speedy tour of Lantau island.  First to the fisher village Tai O, a hike up to the infinity pool, then off to Pui O where I finally got to have dinner at Mavericks.  Only on Lantau do you encounter land, fresh air, and cows crossing the beach. I didn't actually get any snaps of our dinner because we devoured it in 3 seconds, but everything we had was aaaaahhhhhmmaaazzziiiinnnnggg




I jumped off this waterfall...and directly into that giant rock.  Great pic, not so great landing.

Sunset at Pui O
Maverick's

Inset your "till the cows come home" joke here
Saturday August 30th...

...this was by far the best night I had of the week, and one of the best I've had in Hong Kong.  The stars aligned so that everyone was able to get together and have an apero at Lee and Amy's, a fabulous meal out in Lamma island, followed by a short walk to the beach, then a quick ride back to LKF where the celebration took off (as it does in LKF).  Sunday was painful.







To top the night off, Arthur went looking for a rooftop to hang out on, and found ours...which I had no clue we actually had access to.  I've lived here for a year and a half.  He found it within four days. :/


 Sunday August 31st...

...Sunday was painful like I said.  I had to work and then directly after was to meet Arthur and Jill for a tour of Hong Kong with Jill's family - straight tourist style.  We ended up going to a floating restaurant called Jumbo and then up to the peak for some night action.





Phew.  

You guys must be exhausted after all that.  It was one crazy week, but so amazing to see my bro again after two long years.  It really refreshed me to have little reminders of where I've come from.  Now to figure out where I'm going.......